Fitness Lessons from The Godfather

1. Deadlift often. Placing a horse’s head in someone’s bed without waking them up can be very tough on the lower back.

2. Do explosive movements. Had Luca Brasi moved a little faster, he might have been able to avoid the knife through the hand and the subsequent garrotting. Instead, he’s sleeping with the fishes.

3. Keep the carbs low. Too much pasta will make you grumpy and triggerhappy.

4. Whenever possible, take a walk instead of driving. Your car may be wired to explode, and the walk will burn of some of the calories in that delicious cannoli.

5. Run intervals. If a man with a gun is after you, you will need all the speed and stamina you can get.

6. Stay fit and healthy. If the man with the gun does catch up with you, your chances of surviving the gunshot wounds will be better if you’re in decent shape.

7. Stretch. You may need to hide in strange places, where some flexibility can come in handy.

8. Take some time for professional, uninterrupted massage therapy. Two words: Moe Greene.

9. Someday, and that day may never come, I’ll call upon you to do some triceps kickbacks. But, uh, until that day, please keep doing dips instead.

Have I missed any? Please let me know…